IVLEEN & CHAN: A ROMANTIC MATERNITY SESSION
You know that fire in your soul kind of love? This couple undeniably had a love connection like no other. I was able to capture them so beautifully.
A Behind the scenes look
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PERSONAL: WHY I DECIDED TO BECOME A PHOTOGRAPHER
Here my personal story on how I fell into my career as a professional photographer.
June 14, 2018
When I was younger, I remember hearing snippets about miscarriages and stillbirths. Never did I think I would have one of each.
My husband and I had tried for five years to have kids. My first pregnancy was in July of 2011. We didn’t tell anyone as I wanted to get past the three month mark. I thought the three month mark was safe enough to tell everyone. Sadly about 10 weeks into the pregnancy, I miscarried. We were devastated. I remember being in the ER and crying uncontrollably and asking continuously what did I do wrong? I was re-assured that it was nothing that I did. Leaving the hospital, I didn’t want to talk about this ever again. I had started to bury it. But over the next few months, I began to find out that miscarriages are a lot more common that I had thought. Eventually I did tell my family and about a year and half later, I finally came to terms with my miscarriage. I believe this pregnancy would have been a girl and I named her Bailey.
We continued to try for children and were pretty much on the verge of giving up when we got pregnant with our son in January of 2014. We were elated. We still kept it fairly hush-hush for the first three months only telling our parents. Once the three months hit though – we thought we were all good and our little boy would be arriving later that fall – we let everyone know. My pregnancy was fairly good along the way – had to adjust a few things but it was nothing that we couldn’t handle. Around eight months though, I began to notice that he was slowing down. Everyone that I chatted with told me that I was thinking too much of it. He was just getting too big and running out of room to move. On September 2 – at a routine check up – we found out our son was gone. I remember asking why so many times and no one had the answers. We were sent home and told to expect a call in the morning to be induced. I cried my eyes out that night, really didn’t get much sleep at all. I just kept thinking why and how? I finally dozed off and shortly after that I went into labour on my own. We headed back to the hospital in the morning. I honestly don’t think the full impact of what was about to happen to me that day – hit me until later. From what I can remember my labour and delivery went fairly well as I had an epidural. I will always remember my husband telling me that this was one of my sons last gifts to me – a fairly easy delivery. Our son Hudson was born September 3 and he was perfect! He had the cutest little face – round like his dad’s. I’m sure he would have looked exactly like him. Unfortunately, the cord was wrapped around his neck quite tightly.
I think the whole reality hit me about a week or two later when I was in a store and heard a baby cry. I had to leave immediately. I cried the whole drive home and I got angry. How could this have happened to me? I felt so alone as I thought it was just me against the world and then I began to reach out. I found out that stillbirths are not uncommon – just like miscarriages but they are not talked about.
Due to other health issues that were diagnosed five months later, I’m now unable to have children.
Even though my kids were with me for only short amounts of time – they have helped me so much and continue to do so. My relationship with my own mom has become closer. I hug my parents every chance I get. My middle sister and I seem to chat more now and we check in with each other more I find. My partner and I got married at the end of 2014 – he has been my rock and I love him dearly. And I have met numerous wonderful people who I call my Earth Angels. I would not have met any of my Earth Angels if I didn’t have my kids.
Some loss moms have butterflies as reminders. I have rabbits and rainbows. The day after we came from the hospital there was a rabbit in my backyard and it calmed me. I’ve always liked rainbows to begin with, after losing Hudson I began to picture my kids sliding down rainbows and jumping in the clouds. On the day of our wedding, it was cold and windy out, almost on the verge of snow – there was a rainbow above our house shortly after the ceremony. Our kids were there in spirit that day.